a woman scorned

[ryu-saria.livejournal.com]

Who: Lilith and Song
What: Song tracks down the succubus for a little Q&A regarding Josiah's memory thief, as well as Lilith herself
When: Thursday, February 19



The castle was one of the first places Song chose to search, it being her favorite and less monster-infested than the undeveloped outskirts of town, so she was quite satisfied to find her quarry in the Postern. She unobstrusively meandered over and sat with her back to the wall, resting her staff across her lap and looking out at the horizon rather than Lilith.
"Found you."

The demon frowned at Song, but didn't make any effort to leave. Her eyes were dark in thought, and an emotion that bordered on uncertainty. Her only movement was a thoughtless swipe at a strand of dark hair, brushing it off her shoulder, and she continued looking out over the horizon as well. After a few moments of silence, she quietly and coldly asked, "What do you want?"

"The usual," she answered in a relaxed tone of voice. "Just to try and have a bit of my curiosity satisfied. Are you upset over what happened to Josiah?"

"It's unfortunate... but it's not as if it hasn't happened before," Lilith replied pointedly. "Better two years than four hundred." She crossed her arms, and drummed her fingers against her upper arms. She didn't look down at Song, but tension was evident in her posture, despite the neutral look on her face.

"Well, it's not what I came to ask you about, unless you'd like to talk about it. I'd be happy to listen if you ever do, but..." she tried to choose her words carefully, but wasn't sure if she was doing a good job of it. "I actually thought I would ask you about yourself. I've been meaning to for a long time, and Calum himself encouraged it."

Something flickered in Lilith's eyes at the mention of Calum's name, but the look quickly vanished as she finally glanced at Song, studying her very carefully. "Why would you want to know about me? Especially if it was encouraged by someone less than trustworthy?"

Song looked back at her, expression open and passive. "Because I like you, Lilith. Trust has little to do with it. You know how curious I am... How did you come upon such a meaningful name, for instance?"

"I've always had this name, as long as I can remember." Lilith's voice was hushed and nonchalant, but there was steel behind it too. A question that should have been easy to answer obviously wasn't. "It doesn't matter. A name is just that... a name. Something for people to call you by. A mark to be remembered by."

She nodded slightly. "That's true, but do you like being remembered by that name now? I can't really stand Robin anymore. Too much has changed, you know."

"It's a name - they change," she said off-handedly. "If I recall, Josiah took to calling me AJ for many months. It doesn't matter to me what I'm called - I'm simply a slave bound to the grimoire." She looked back out towards the horizon. "And no one remembers slaves."

Her eyes narrowed at that, in concern. "That's hardly true, and even if magic still binds you, your would-be master doesn't think of you as a slave. Didn't he try to give you more freedom? You're a friend, Lilith, not a slave. And yes, you were dragged into this and you wouldn't have been a friend of ours by choice, but that's the same for all the Refugees, you know? Many of us would never have met or bonded if we hadn't been thrown into this, and we don't always get along perfectly, but we are friends. Your circumstances are different, but your still one of us." Her voice stayed soft all the while, but not doubtful in the least. Matter-of-fact, almost.

A small smirk appeared on her face, not sad, not angry... just there. "Humans are strangely sentimental creatures - I'll never understand them," she murmured, almost to herself. She placed a hand on her hip and moved slowly away from the wall. She remained very quiet for a couple of moments before turning back to Song, her blue eyes bright with speculation. "You all are friends, tied by love. But I've seen love easily broken. Betrayed. Forgotten. Friendships are hardly of any importance to me."

Song met the demon's eyes stolidly. "You're right. Love can seem easily broken. You think, when it's just beginning, that it'll never end. Then before you realize what's happening, something changes and it's gone." She put a hand to her own chest, either to touch the rings on her necklace or to feel her own heartbeat. Both had become common habits of hers. "Thing is, it isn't really so easy to forget, even when you know it's over. Love, friendship, even hatred are things that cling to any heart. If they were really as easily forgotten as we say, we wouldn't feel so bitter after they end, would we?"

"Some people," Lilith said slowly and carefully, "forget better than others." She turned away again so Song couldn't see the simmering hate and fear in her eyes. "Sometimes, it is better to forget. Sometimes, it is better just to wonder where the emotional scars came from." She stopped and then waved her hand. "It's not important. Things happens, people move on, and life continues its march, regardless of circumstances."

Now Song was quite intrigued. It was obvious that this would be a touchy subject, and she didn't know how to brooch it in a way that wouldn't raise Lilith's ire, but she couldn't help prying.
"... Is it really better? It hurts either way, but if you once knew love, then you must have once been happy, if only for a moment. If you keep the scars but not even the memory of happiness, then it does lose its worth, just as you say. Not because the love failed you, but becuase you won't even cherish what you used to have. Then you're suffering without even a memory to make the unhappiness worth it."

Lilith's eyes flashed in anger. "It was never worth it," she nearly hissed. "And it really is none of your business." Whatever emotions she had been suppressing were starting to bubble to the surface, and it was beginning to irritate her.

Song bit her lip. Another characteristic habit of hers.
"Lilith..." She was at a loss for how to salvage this. "You can keep it to yourself if you insist, but human or demon, that never really helps. I know I'm not always the best at keeping my opinions to myself, but for you, if you would deign to tell me, I wouldn't say a word. Not without your permission. It's just, nothing ever heals without hurting first."

Lilith listened to Song, her expression unchanging. She rested her eyes on the former Organization member, and frowned. "I don't wish to talk of it," she said, her voice cold. But then her eyes softened slightly, and she added, "Please. Don't ask me about it."

Song slowly set her staff aside and stood up, but did not approach Lilith any further, yet. "If you insist. I'll try not to bother you anymore... But I will listen to anything you can bring yourself to say, now or any other time. About anything."

The demon fell silent at those words, turning away slightly. She closed her eyes and let out a sigh as the breeze began to pick up. There was... a lot to say. Things that she should tell someone, things that were important... but she had sworn long ago that she would never speak of those things ever again. She had seen too many things, and if he knew... still...
"He is very dangerous, you know," she finally said, so quietly that she might as well not have said it at all.

The tawny-haired woman tilted her head to the side, not sure if she'd heard right. "Xemnas was dangerous too."

"Xemnas wasn't human," replied Lilith. "And, like the little witch, he can control and manipulate memories. I know... at least, I'm sure that there is more to him than that." Her eyes hardened. "And you loved Xemnas. There was always that."

She flicked her hand in a dismissive gesture. "I loved him, yes, but he couldn't love me. He proved that when he turned on me. I made the mistake of trusting a devil with my life once, so I'm less likely to do it again, and the way I see it, being a relatively peaceful acquaintance of Calum's could be a lot more productive than openly acting like his enemy."

Lilith gave a tiny shrug of her shoulder. "It is your decision. But I personally wouldn't cross paths with someone with that sort of power," she murmured, her voice distant again.

"Would you rather I not try to help, then?" She asked in a practiced neutral voice. "That would kind of defeat the purpose of my being here, to tell you the truth. I'm only staying until I know the Refugees are safe."

She looked upset then, and walked further away from Song, and began to pace, an uncharacteristically nervous habit. "You'd be safer that way, if you just left. Everyone would be safer that way." She paused, and added quietly, "if I knew that he couldn't see me coming, I wouldn't hesitate to-" She stopped abruptly, closing her eyes.

Song's eyebrows raised, but her words came slowly, delicately. "That may be so for the others, but Josiah wouldn't be safe, and no one's going to leave him behind. Anyway, I doubt they'd follow where I'm going next, but that's beside the point. Right now... I think you should tell me exactly why you say Calum's so dangerous. There's no better armor or weapon than knowledge."

Lilith continued her pacing, her back still towards Song. She seemed to be mulling over her next words very carefully. "I've heard stories. I have some vague memories of him. He... killed someone very important to me." Her nails dug into the flesh of her palms, almost enough to draw blood. "Killed and not coming back - no magical resurrection of sorts. No one receives that kind of miracle."

"Some of us did," she murmured, but didn't try to pry further, if only because Lilith had asked her not to. "Just tell me what I should look out for, alright?"

Lilith let out a sigh that was nothing of exasperation and completely of sorrow, and her shoulders dropped in defeated gesture. She turned back to look at Song, and for the first time since she had known the Refugees, the haughty pride that had filled her blue eyes was conspicuously missing. It had been replaced by a faint tinge of despair, fury, and sadness. "I thought Calum was dead. He has somehow gained the power to cross over. Even if I told you what to look out for, chances are he'll kill you, my master, and any one else who tries to stop him."

Song met Lilith's eyes openly, silently trying to draw out whatever the demon had bottled up. "Then maybe I won't try to stop him. It depends on what he's doing. Can you answer that?"

"I don't know," Lilith whispered harshly. "By all the lords in heaven and in hell, I honestly do not know."

She couldn't help it anymore. Perhaps it was Lilith's voice sparking up that empathy of hers, but she needed to calm her down, or at least try.
She stepped quietly forward and reached out to touch Lililth's shoulder, resting her hand there gently. When she spoke, her voice was very soft. "But you know him. If you can just tell me about him, I'll be able to read him better. Maybe I'll be able to find out. It could save Josiah, if you help me with this..."

She flinced slightly at the touch, but didn't move away from it. For a moment, it seemed as if she wasn't going to say anything, until she finally met Song's eyes, an unreadable emotion in them. "Calum... was one of my former masters. The seventh owner of the grimoire."

"Ah..." She considered that for a moment. "When did he come to be possessing Josiah, do you have any idea? Putting together what few pieces haven't been lost, it sounds like he was controlling Josiah throughout most of the stay in Narnia."

"I don't remember," the demon admitted, shaking her head. "All of those years... I can't remember them either, Song. But I would not put it past him. He was always... insanely ruthless when it came to attempting to achieve his goals."

"Huh. He does sound like Xemnas." She squeezed Lilith's shoulder lightly and then let her go. "Did he achieve all of his major goals in life?"

"No." Her voice suddenly became very flat. "He was betrayed by his former comrades, who feared his rise to power. They turned him into the authorities of his world, and he was tried for treason and witchcraft." She stopped, and looked up into the sky, her eyes dark in memory. "He was executed. Burned at the stake."

Song had an inkling. She'd had it for a while now, watching Lilith's tell-tale expressions, but she was determined not to ask unless there was an opportune moment for it, which probably meant after she'd gotten everything more important to the matter at hand out of the stubborn succubus. "What was his goal, at the time? And more than that, his precise reasons behind it?"

Lilith laughed bitterly. "It seems like such a small goal now. There was a group of people - nine to be exact - who were famous in their occupation. It was second time such a group had existed. He sought to become the group's leader, but his methods were... undesirable, even amongst his peers. In truth, he probably betrayed them first in order to gain more power. I never knew the full details of what happened in those last few weeks."

"Tell me more about the group. Anything I can learn about Calum might be used to manipulate him."

"They were called the Brethren Court, a group of nine pirate lords who ruled the seas and were keepers of the pieces of eight," the demon reminisced softly. She frowned curiously. "There was something about the importance of a goddess, and taming the seas... I'm unsure as to how it happened or why..."

"Oh!" Song hadn't expected that answer, but at least it was a story she knew. "Yes. The goddess Calypso. They bound her in human form so she couldn't control the sea. The story's told in a set of Disney movies." She smiled, just a little. "That helps a lot, thank you. Was Calum a pirate by trade, then, or did he get involved with the Brethren Court some other way?"

Lilith glanced curiously at Song. "He was part of the Court. One of the lords."

She nodded. "Right. Interesting. So, Calum wanted to be Pirate King... and worse than most of them. I'll have to keep that in mind..." She glanced away, back towards the horizon again in thought. "You may not have known his reasons for that, specifically, but you obviously knew him as a person... He must have spoken to you about his personal beliefs and ideals."

"Sometimes, yes," Lilith added quietly. "He was very... passionate about what he wanted. I was never sure why he wanted it, though I suppose when humans have such a short lifespan, they want to feel it with as much noriety as possible."

"Yes, we do," she commented mildly. "Will you tell me, then? What did he believe? What defined right and wrong in Calum's eyes?"

Lilith closed her eyes, trying to recall memories that she was sworn to herself never to remember. "Calum saw the world in black and white - everything was absolute to him. He believed the end always justified the means, and that to be indecisive or ambiguous about anything was to be weak." She paused. "Everything had its place in the world, and it was up to those with power to put those into place. He would rebel against authority that wasn't his, believed that his way was the right way, and could be charismatic enough to make people believe the same."

She listened attentively. Like Xemnas, but not like him. Not entirely... Then she caught herself and frowned. It was probably better not to compare or constrast Calum to Xemnas any more than was necessary. Song knew well how her own heart worked, and whether she found herself attracted to Calum or spiteful towards him, it would only complicate things. She needed a clear head for this. Really, she needed her heart to shut up and take a vacation, but it had done that twice already and the results had been less than wonderful.
"Thanks, Lilith," she said finally. "Thank you very much. I doubt I would have been able to learn that much about him on my own. Is there anything else?"

"Song..." she murmured, almost hesitant at first. Then, the steel that constantly reflected in her eyes came back. "Don't confront him anymore. What happened to my master is already bad enough, but I have the feeling he can do much worse if provoked."

"I'm on good terms with him right now, Lilith. I've caught his interest. Look, I will be careful. I won't provoke him. I plan on trying to reason with him, find out what he's after, and see if we can compromise somehow. If not, I'll deal with the consequences, but I have to try." She smiled again, though it was more resigned than humorous or confident. "I'm the negotiator and the peacemaker here. I can understand the villainous type - to put it bluntly. Any of the others would be more likely to pick a fight."

Lilith shook her head. "He'll kill you if he believes you've outgrown your usefulness. I just wish that I knew..." Her eyes hardened. "If it comes to it, I will kill him. Regardless."

She looked at Lilith askance. "Can you do that? Or... do you mean by killing Josiah..."

Lilith said nothing - her cold look spoke volumes.

Song shook her head firmly. "No. That's exactly why I have to try this first. If he starts to lose interest in me, I'll get out fast. I'll run like I ran from Saix, if it comes to that, but not until I've given it my best shot."

"You do what you must, and I will do what I must," the dark-haired woman replied sharply, the walls that she had briefly lowered rising up again. "I wish you luck, but I'll prepare for the worst."

"Fair enough." She turned away and started back to the wall as if to retrieve her staff, but paused half way there. Turning her head only enough to see Lilith from the corner of her eye, she asked in a distant voice, "did he love you, by the way?"

She didn't meet Song's eyes. "Many men believe they do. It's only a lie."

"How do you know? Is it so impossible to love a demon?" There was a knowing sort of tone to the second question.

"It's better to forget, if he ever did." There was a finality in her voice that hadn't been there before as she restated her original thoughts. "In the end, yes. It is impossible." Before Song could say anything else, Lilith raised her hand to keep her from responding. "What's there to love? Nothing substantial, nothing worth a person's time. And in the end, all those wasted years believing that things could have turned out another way..."

Now Song turned back, facing her again with a look of something akin to surprise. "Nothing substantial? Nothing worth a person's time? Is that what you think you are?"

"It doesn't seem to matter, not anymore," came the whispered reply as Lilith began to walk away. "Do what you can for him, Song. But don't ask me anymore than you already have about my past. I would rather it to stay forgotten and buried."

Song watched her move away, stiffening in an almost violent form of sympathy. She needed to say something, but once again she could think of nothing that would help, and it infuriated her. Still, she couldn't just stand there silently.
"I love you, Lilith. As a friend. I know... I know I get attached too easily, and maybe I barely know you, but I still care... You're human to me."

"Then you've made the same mistake Josiah has." And then she was gone, never turning back.

Song crossed her arms tightly, suddenly feeling very cold. She stared for several moments at the spot where Lilith had vanished, wondering whether she'd said the right thing or the wrong one, and even wondering for a moment if she'd ever see the succubus again, or if Lilith had finally had too much of the Refugee lifestyle and would take herself off where no one could bother her, whether or not she was still bound to Josiah.
Eventually, though, optimism won out and Song nimbly scooped up her staff and headed back towards home. She was far from finished with this.